"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."

--George Bernard Shaw

(Written in April 2013)

It's tough to get to 60 years old and realize that you have never finished that process of creating yourself.  That is, you realize that, as lucky as you have been, as many chances as you have had, you have never taken that one chance and run with it.  Or shot for the moon.  Or gone for broke.  Or followed your heart.

And there are all kinds of reasons not to. 

There are the easy ones, like needing to pay the rent, or the mortgage.  Like needing to provide for a family.  Like needing to just pay off that car loan, or complete that last project, or get one more promotion...all of which may be good things to do, responsible things to do, important goals to achieve. 

There are the tougher ones, like choosing to leave a dead-end job without something better, like persisting in a consulting role when you're not finding the kinds of engagements that you're really looking for.  

All of these things may make a lot of sense if your goal is to "find yourself."  But you can only "find" yourself when you are lost. 

When you know who you are, what you want, what you dream about, you're not lost.  You may be afraid...to go through the uncertainty of an acting career, or the grind of a professional baseball career, or the setbacks of teaching.  To take the risks involved in saying, "This is who I am," in case those you care about don't get it.  You may be uncertain, which leads to that same fear.  You may even have failed at these things in the past.  But if you know who you are, you understand that failure needs to be temporary.

Failure has only one value:  as a learning experience.  If you know who you are, what you want, and what you dream about, you must welcome failure at it, because failure is high-value coaching:  it forces you to think about why - about what worked, and what didn't.  It allows you to consider adjustments, refocuses, improvements.  It can make you better at being your best.

Can you fail gracefully at 60?  Can you ever fail gracefully?  Does it matter?

Go for it.

When measurement interferes with performance...

School systems have many reasons to measure student performance, and the No Child Left Behind legislation of a couple of decades ago provided even more. Measuring is one of the basic requirements for improvement: if I don't know how I did, I can't say whether it was better, worse, or the same as in the past. There's no doubt that measurement serves a critical role.

The process of learning, though, requires more than just pre- and post- measures. By definition, it requires a process.  Regardless of the subject matter involved, this process must occur somewhere in the brain, or at least in the peripheral nervous system. The point of this post: change in neuronal activity or function, not measurement, is at the heart of learning.

Can measurement support learning?  Absolutely:  done appropriately and judiciously, measurement can provide the confirmation that the learner is heading in the right direction.  Measurement can provide a clue as to how close the learner is to the desired achievement.  These are good things; but they are not learning.

What else can measurement do?  Unfortunately, measuring excessively, or in a threatening manner, can get in the way of learning processes. For example, setting up a process in which learners are striving for the "right answer" can be detrimental to real learning. Excessive measures, or measurement done for high stakes, are two ways to create this excessive focus on the answer, often to the exclusion of the learning. This is not a new idea.  Is there anyone older than 12 in this society who has not experienced both excessive and threatening forms of measurement? And in this society, we do not limit the consequences to stars and pats on the back.  The consequences for measures of personal performance that fall short of expectations are anything but pleasant.

Unfortunately, these uses of measurement can inhibit learning, and as a result, limit the ability to improve performance.

George H. W. Bush - The American Experience

I voted for Dukakis in 1988, like a good Democrat. I did not like Bush - apparently I never gave him a chance.

Perhaps I never knew that his term as head of the CIA in the 1970s was in response to a call for help to "clean up" the agency.

If he had not been a Republican, if he had not been sandwiched between the desolations of the Reagan administration and the economic success of the Clinton Administration, would we not have noticed how much he accomplished in a single term? Think about these actions:

• His development of relationships and maintaining phone contact with leaders in the US and all over the world
• His acceptance of the role of helping Reagan get elected, as distasteful as it was to him personally.
• The fall of the Berlin wall, due mostly to his relationship with Gorbachev
• The passage of the ADA (Americans with Disability Act)
• The success of Desert Shield, then Desert Storm, through careful development of coalitions, then the good judgment to stop at the Iraqi border.
• The budget deal - which may well have set up the Clinton Administration for its economic success (including the acceptance of a tax increase, despite our having "read his lips.")

I don't think I ever before appreciated how much we as Americans owe this man for his constant eye on what was most important for the country, and steady hand to make good long-term decisions - even (or perhaps especially) in situations in which he had to accept the blame for going back on his political promises (..."read my lips...").

Under the Gaslight - For a Limited Time Only

After attending the production of Under the Gaslights, of the University of Minnesota Centennial Showboat on August 13, 2016...

How have I lived in St. Paul for nearly 20 years and not known about the Showboat?

The energy of this production alone blows the top off of the riverfront. The cast is all-in, with a no-holds-barred, full-blown enthusiasm for this unabashedly melodramatic production. It is clear that every member of the cast enjoyed this show as much as the audience; I have not had this much fun at a show in decades.

The single adjustment that today's audience must make is to the assumptions, expectations, and syntax of the 19th century melodrama. It is the script of the play itself that makes this necessary. Chalk it up to a true "suspension of disbelief." Once one is there, however, there are no regrets. The cast gives it their all - as convincing as one can be with this type of script - with voice, action and expressions all enabling a temporary return to experience a well-to-do atmosphere of 150 years ago.

In fact, even if one did not particularly enjoy the deliberately and beautifully over-played melodrama, the olios alone would justify seeing this show. These musical interludes, which occur a half-dozen times as brief respites from the primary plot, provide opportunities for the cast to temporarily enter a different realm. From the dancing solo of "The Bowery" in the first Act, to the wildly campy "Trio of Insect Songs" in the second act, the audience is treated to a level of comic relief reminiscent of, on the one hand, Shakespeare's short scenes, and on the other, the between-innings antics of the Saint Paul Saints.

This is the last year of the Centennial Showboat.  If you live in this area and have not been to one, you owe it to yourself to get down there in the next few days.

Numbers...and Meaning

I knew that I would have to wait to see my specialist.  He's not just a doctor, and a good one, but also one who is in great demand.  Yes, I had an appointment...but perhaps the sign in the waiting room will give you the idea:
     "If you have been waiting more than 20 minutes since your appointment time, please check with the receptionist."

I have learned to bring a notepad. This time, I wrote down the numbers I had dealt with this morning.

How many numbers in day?  And for how many different purposes? We think of language as the thing we cannot do without; yet, how many different languages do numbers speak?

Date
Time
License Plate
Measure of fluid
Phone number
Pass code
Parking fee
Steps taken
Blood pressure

Each number speaks in its own system. The remarkable thing is that anyone in this society looking at the numbers themselves - listed below - can interpret the meaning of each, with little difficulty:

9/18/2015
10:30
357 TRW
32 ml
888-757-2791
979067#
$4.00
2234 
118/66

This interpretation is not difficult; and that may be part of why we miss the meaning - or, more accurately, forget to search for the meaning.

In the context of data computing, we may struggle with the differences between data and information. They are differences that I have found difficult to convey to colleagues who use the same sets of data that I use. Attending a class taught by a friend this week, I heard what might be the best contrasting definitions:

• Data is "given"; information is "taken."
• The word data comes from the Latin donner; information from the root for structure.
• Data involves raw observations; information attempts to create knowledge.
• As a result, data = measures; information = beliefs.

The measures were created in order to capture observations more precisely, in order to clarify extent.

The irony is that the greater the precision, the more likely we are to be removed from the information - the ultimate meaning.

Just as I noticed that I had been waiting about 25 minutes, I heard the receptionist call my name. "The doctor has been held up unexpectedly by an extended surgery...."

Happy Birthday, Dad

Today is Benjamin Lane's 93rd birthday.  Dad, thanks for watching over us, and thanks for setting everything up so that going forward would be so much easier for us.
Happy Birthday, Dad.

Benjamin Lane: Not Just the Facts

My father died a couple of weeks ago.  He was an accountant, working for the Federal Government for most of his career, and had been retired for the last 25 years. He kept good records, and he took care of his family.  He loved kids - anyone's kids.  He'd even stop by the side of a highchair in a restaurant to say hello to a toddler. 

My Dad relied on hard work and good thinking, and took no unnecessary chances.  He did what was right, whether anyone was looking or not. He understood logically that he was often fighting a losing battle, but that did not change his feelings about doing the right thing.  He was quiet; he let others stand in the light and take the credit.

People who knew my Dad well admired him.  People who didn't probably didn't notice what he was doing.

He had a sense of humor.  At least, he and I thought he did, as did my kids.  People who like professional comics didn't find him funny.  We know better:  humor, especially spontaneous, and sometimes foolish, is part of the texture of life.  We make things up as we go along.  I thought he was clever, and sometimes predictable, but always funny, in a light-hearted, share-the-wealth kind of way.

I really miss him...although, if you asked me to describe what I miss, it would be difficult, because my Dad was sometimes invisible.  It was a talent.  He could be fully present, catching every word, every expression, but sinking into the woodwork like any other unobtrusive drop of paint...until he told a joke. 

He took care of us, and is probably still taking care of us.  And he didn't have a middle name.